I can't believe it's been four months since we had our little girl! I still think about her every day. Sometimes I look at what we're doing and think of how different everything would be with a little baby. For example, Curtis had a business trip to Vegas last month. I took Friday off of work so I could meet him down there. I went shopping at the outlets while he was in meetings, we walked on the strip way too much when he wasn't in meetings, and swam laps in the pool at the hotel. The truth is, we were planning on having a 6 week old baby on this particular November week. While I was there, I couldn't help but think how differently things would have gone with a little one. First, we would have driven down together because I would have had no need to take time off work (I would have brought my work with me). Next, it would have taken a lot more debating to decide if a trip to the outlet malls were worth it. For our journeys out to the big city, one of us would have been carrying a baby on our belly for each of our walks up and down the strip. The other one of us would have been carrying a bag of baby necessities. Maybe we would have had to look for the best place to feed a baby or somewhere to change her. I'm sure there are 3 dozen other things I wouldn't be able to predict as well. As for the swimming, we might have skipped that all together. These are all adjustments we would have been so excited to make. For right now, we don't get to.
I thought I would post some of the things we have to remember Addison by as many of you haven't seen them and I keep getting requests.
This is a shadow box my sister made. In the little silver frame is her name, birthday, weight, and height. On the pink pieces of paper are her hand and foot prints. The flowers are some of the ones that were sent to us. The cap on the teddy bear was up on her head after she was born. The teddy bear was from the flower wreath at her burial. The name bands are obviously from the hospital. The white hands are actual molds of her tiny hands. Her left hand was perfect, her right hand was clenched, almost in and “I love you” sign. The clenched hands are typical of Trysomy 18. In the bottom left corner is a lock of her hair. It was actually pretty long and dark. Finally, the green background is actually the blanket we wrapped her in right after she was born.
This is a teddy bear that a program called “Angel Watch” made for us. It is made out of another blanket we used at the hospital. This is one teddy bear that children are not allowed to play with.
These are some booties and a sweater my mother-in-law had made for us. They are so sweet and tiny.
They just installed her headstone this week so I don't think any of you have seen it. I think it turned out really nice. As hard as this has been, we know we have been so blessed with a wonderful family and absolutely incredible friends who have helped us through this time. I'm pretty sure it will always hurt to know that we have a daughter who we don't get to see learn and grow. We are, however, so grateful for the knowledge of the plan of salvation. Knowing that this life is just a tiny step and that if we live worthy, we will be able to be with Addison again brings us comfort. The Lord does love us. This experience has brought us closer to Him and closer to each other. I don't know what else we will be asked to endure, but I do know that it's the though things that make us better people.
