Addison May

I can't believe it's been four months since we had our little girl! I still think about her every day. Sometimes I look at what we're doing and think of how different everything would be with a little baby. For example, Curtis had a business trip to Vegas last month. I took Friday off of work so I could meet him down there. I went shopping at the outlets while he was in meetings, we walked on the strip way too much when he wasn't in meetings, and swam laps in the pool at the hotel. The truth is, we were planning on having a 6 week old baby on this particular November week. While I was there, I couldn't help but think how differently things would have gone with a little one. First, we would have driven down together because I would have had no need to take time off work (I would have brought my work with me). Next, it would have taken a lot more debating to decide if a trip to the outlet malls were worth it. For our journeys out to the big city, one of us would have been carrying a baby on our belly for each of our walks up and down the strip. The other one of us would have been carrying a bag of baby necessities. Maybe we would have had to look for the best place to feed a baby or somewhere to change her. I'm sure there are 3 dozen other things I wouldn't be able to predict as well. As for the swimming, we might have skipped that all together. These are all adjustments we would have been so excited to make. For right now, we don't get to.

I thought I would post some of the things we have to remember Addison by as many of you haven't seen them and I keep getting requests.

This is a shadow box my sister made. In the little silver frame is her name, birthday, weight, and height. On the pink pieces of paper are her hand and foot prints. The flowers are some of the ones that were sent to us. The cap on the teddy bear was up on her head after she was born. The teddy bear was from the flower wreath at her burial. The name bands are obviously from the hospital. The white hands are actual molds of her tiny hands. Her left hand was perfect, her right hand was clenched, almost in and “I love you” sign. The clenched hands are typical of Trysomy 18. In the bottom left corner is a lock of her hair. It was actually pretty long and dark. Finally, the green background is actually the blanket we wrapped her in right after she was born.

This is a teddy bear that a program called “Angel Watch” made for us. It is made out of another blanket we used at the hospital. This is one teddy bear that children are not allowed to play with.

These are some booties and a sweater my mother-in-law had made for us. They are so sweet and tiny.

They just installed her headstone this week so I don't think any of you have seen it. I think it turned out really nice. As hard as this has been, we know we have been so blessed with a wonderful family and absolutely incredible friends who have helped us through this time. I'm pretty sure it will always hurt to know that we have a daughter who we don't get to see learn and grow. We are, however, so grateful for the knowledge of the plan of salvation. Knowing that this life is just a tiny step and that if we live worthy, we will be able to be with Addison again brings us comfort. The Lord does love us. This experience has brought us closer to Him and closer to each other. I don't know what else we will be asked to endure, but I do know that it's the though things that make us better people.

Mile High Apple Pie

Happy Thanksgiving! So Thanksgiving morning my sister and I got up to make this beauty. She doesn't have a timer on her oven. Needless to say, we forgot and the top got a little toasty. It was still real yummy though. A few Thanksgivings ago, I decided that I wanted to become an excellent pie maker. I'm working on it. Maybe next year I won't burn the crust:)

We're back again and I wish I had something more exciting to share with you. I'm afraid this is only exciting for me. So back in October, it snowed. I was so mad as I scraped off the windows of my car that I decided I was going to clean out the garage. We had already decided it was too small to park a car and our stuff in it, but I was going to try. I worked so hard and parked my car in it one night. When Curtis saw we had an empty garage he thought it would be a perfect time to empty our storage unit. Grrrr! So we emptied the storage unit and then there was even more stuff to organize. When all is said and done, it all fit.

This is the side where all the shelves are

The is the front

And this is the back

Violated!!!

You might be wondering why I am posting a picture of my door with an empty hook. It's really just that I want to share my grief. Here's the story...I went out my front door and as I turned to lock it, I noticed that my wreath was gone! It had been pretty windy during the night so I immediate started searching the premises thinking it could have been blown away. It was nowhere to be found. I really don't want to believe it, but I think someone stole my wreath. I don't understand who would do something like that. My guess is that it wasn't a prank because we had a box full of pumpkins and they hadn't been touched. Some punk kid would have had way too much fun with that. It also wasn't a serious thief. The night before I had started to reorganize our garage so I could fit my car in it and hadn't found a place for Curtis' scooter yet. It was on our porch and also untouched. The wreath was the only thing that was gone. I'm way sad too. It was a bunch of stuff that I got on sale last year and put it together all by myself. Oh well. Maybe the person really needed a wreath.

Halloween Fun

There are a few couples here in Cedar that we do a game night with. Hi guys! It's a whole bunch of fun. Last year, for Halloween, the Gibson family hosted a murder mystery party. This year it was our turn and we decided we're going to make it a tradition. We really had so much fun. We picked out a 1950's themed murder mystery game package. Then we went to DI and got these awesome clothes. My skirt was wool and pleated. Check out Curtis' tie. We also got some decoratinos. I'm really not sure when records were big, but the records we could find all had a 1970's copyrights. We figured since we weren't getting a jukebox, it would add to the atmosphere...even if records were primarily a 70's thing.

The gang came over and it was a night of extreme fun. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good picture of us all (sorry Megan). As it turns out, I almost wish I lived in the 50's now. I couldn't get my hair as big as I thing I was supposed to, but I love the fassion. As for my skirt, I'm pretty sure I'll be wearing it again and not as a Halloween costume.

So Sweet

I started a new job working with special needs kids at an elementary school. I got assigned to a 6 year old with muscular distrophy and some autistic tendancies. He's a real cute kid. At least the last two TA's he's had have had a baby at home. He asked me today what my baby's name is. I told him. He wanted to know what she was going to be for Halloween. I told him she was going to be an angel. She really is though. We have our own little angel up in heaven.

Family Fun

It's been a while since we've posted, but just because we've been having so much fun. Last weekend, my dad and his wife Joni came to visit. They brought the babies which totally added to the fun. Here is a picture of Maddie, Macey, me, Ayden, and Curtis. I think that's in order, but I really can't tell the twins apart unless they are standing right next to each other.
This is the first time we've had planned company since we've lived in our cute little house and here's how it went. I had friday off, so I spent the day cleaning and getting ready for them to come. I went shopping for more food than we eat in two weeks, put meatballs in the crockpot for spaghetti, changed the sheets on all the beds in our house, cleanded the bathrooms, mopped the floor, and then waited for the company to arive. They hadn't been here more than 3 minutes when Ayden (the one year old) was picking up food off the floor and eating it. How did that happen!?! The floor was clean only a few minutes earlier. We found ourselves sweeping the floor 3-4 times each day (about as often as we usually sweep in one month). It was amazing.

We borrowed some 4 wheelers from our neighbors. It was so much fun to take Maddie and Macie out on them. Here are some quotes from them. "This is the best day of my life" and "I never had so much fun before." It really was a blast...until all of the adults got tired. We went out to take some pictures with my sister and the remaining adults put a movie on for the kids while they took nap. We got home and they made the comment "this house is only good for adults." They weren't complaining, just stating the truth.

I pretty much wasn't going to let the crew take Ayden home when it was time for them to go. I was trying to think of any place I could stash her where they wouldn't find her. They didn't fall for it. All I know is that even though we were all tuckered out when they left, they are more than welcome to come back any time--as long as they bring the babies.

Been Tagged

I've been tagged and here are the results...

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Being a cheerleader
2. Enjoying high school
3. Taking my driving test
4. Learning how to drive a stick shift
5. Getting ready to go on my first date

5 things on my to-do list today
1. Pull some weeds (even though it started snowing this morning)
2. Go to the dry cleaner
3. Prepare my young women lesson
4. Clean my house
5. Do the laundry

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Home made bread with butter
2. Fruit snacks
3. Cereal
4. Canned peaches and cottage cheese
5. Trail mix

5 things I'd do if I were a Millionaire
1. Give a whole bunch of it to Curtis to invest
2. Buy a lot that we can build on when we grow out of this house
3. Buy a new car (a cute fast one)
4. Serve in orphanages in places like Haiti
5. Pretend like I wasn't a millionaire (except for the cute fast car)

5 places I've lived
1. Orem, UT
2. Germany (lots of differet cities)
3. Rexburg, ID
4. Provo, UT
5. Cedar City, UT

5 jobs I've had
1. Recreational Therapist
2. Receptionist
3. Case Manager
4. Youth Mentor
5. Courier

5 people I Tag
1. Ashley
2. Megan
3. Jessica
4. Katie
5. Sarah

Rules: Each player answers the question themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person that tagged you know when you’ve answered the questions on your blog.

4-Wheeling

I'm not sure if this is a Sunday appropriate activity or not, but it sure was fun. After conference, we went out to our friends, the Anderson's house. We had soup and cinnamon rolls (yumm!) and went out on the four wheeler. It was a whole bunch of fun. We've even talked about getting one ourselves, but we don't have a place to put it. There are some pretty good hills right by our house. Before it got cold, we would hear people out there all hours of the night. If we didn't know how fun it was, we might have gotten real mad.

It's not a spider...it's a rodent!

So last Thursday night, I got home from work and Curtis was at our friend's house. I decide to join him, so I head out to my car with flip-flops on. As I turn to get in the car, I noticed that I just walked past this giant tarantula!!! He was right up against our garage door. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my camera and took a picture from the closest point I dare and then drove away to join the party. I'm pretty sure my face was white when I got there because the first thing Curtis said to me was “what's wrong?” I'm now convinced that this rodent like arachnoid is living in our garage. I think it might even push me to allow my flip flops to start their winter hibernation early this year. To top it all off, this ugly bug you see here, was waiting for us on our porch when we got home. Ahhhh!

Tough Stuff

Tuesday, September 23rd was a date I've repeated a lot these past 7 months. It was supposed to be my due date. Turns out, the days leading up to it were really tough for me. I couldn't help but think about how different our lives are now than we had intended them to be. I was supposed to be very very pregnant, wishing that this baby would just come. Instead, I have a chubby belly that won't go away--no matter what I do. I was supposed to have a very cute baby room decorated in pink and green. Instead, it's full of the scrapbook stuff I used to make a book about my baby's funeral. I was supposed to be completely sleep deprived taking care of a baby who refused to sleep through the night. Instead, I get up every morning to go to the job I'd hoped to quit. I was supposed to have a baby in my arms. Instead, I have a mold of her hands on my shelf and a charm with her name around my neck.

Curtis and I were talking last night and as hard as it's been, we couldn't change it even if we had the power to do so. Mostly because we know that this was supposed to happen. As much as I hate to admit it, so much good has come of this. Our friend's dad talked to us at Addison's service and told us "your marriage has just been solidified." He was right. I can't think of anything that would have made us stronger as a couple than losing a baby. I've also had quite a few friends tell me how much this has helped them appreciate their own children. Being a parent is hard work, sometimes we need reminders of what a blessing it is too. I know it has changed me. It's helped me to be more compassionate. It's helped me to understand how to help others in need when before I felt so helpless. I think mostly, it's changed my perspective on motherhood and I know I will appreciate our future children in a way that never would had been possible without having the challenge of giving our baby girl back to Heavenly Father so quickly.

I know that the Lord has strengthened us through this and we will continue to be strengthened. God truly does love us. The savior will lighten our burden. He sends angels to help us through times like this. I pray that we will all have the strength to be His angels here on earth. Thank you to all of you who have been angels to us.

The Thompson Resort

Come visit The Thompson Resort nestled up against the Cedar City mountains. Within walking distance of a variety of outdoor activities such as hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing (maybe, we've never actually done that one) and much more. Also, just minutes away from a variety of indoor activities such as swimming, an indoor climbing wall, shopping at Wal-Mart, and almost anything else you can imagine. This small town “get away” features incredible company (us), newly refinished furniture, and a king sized mattress on the floor. What more could you ask for?


Okay, so that was really a joke, but I really did want to post some pictures for those of you who haven't seen our cute little house. We moved in in July and pretty much love it. The picture above is the view from our front window. We love being right up agains the mountains (at least until they build a bunch of houses there). Curtis pretty much studies all the time, but if any of you want to come visit me, we have a place for you to stay.
Also, I was so proud of myself. Last weekend, I refinished this dresser that Curtis' family had bought from DI close to 20 years ago. It now matches the two nightstands that we refinished a few weeks ago to match the bed we bought at the RC Willey Outlet. The master bedroom is just about complete. Now we just need to get some pictures for the walls. I'm starting to think it's all real fun. I'll probaby paint a bunk bed that Curtis brough down here from when he was a kid. That will be our guest room for now. Basically...life goes on.

One Month

It was one month ago today that we both welcomed and said goodbye to our baby girl, Addison. It's hard to believe that it's already been that long. We've been keeping pretty busy and life really does just go on. Sometimes we talk about how strange it is. We were supposed to experience something that would be so life changing. I was going to quit at least one of my jobs, I wasn't supposed to be getting any sleep, Curtis was supposed to be coming home to a little girl who would eventually call him "daddy," we were supposed to be spending a good portion of our budget on diapers, and so many more things that would have probably come as a surprise to us. As it is, things aren't a whole lot different than they were before we got pregnant. Our day-to-day routine isn't much differnt. As true as that might be though, we have changed. We are different and we are stronger and we have a different perspective on life than we did before we were asked to go through this.
We really are so grateful to all the people who have been such a support to us. We have recieved so much love and kindness, so many cards, flowers, phone calls, and many prayers that we are certianly unaware of. A family in our ward told us today that they had been praying for us. I'm pretty sure that the kids don't even know who we are, but they still mention us by name in their prayers. We know this has been a strength to us.
There is no doubt that this has been hard. Even though we don't know how all the details will be worked out, we receive comfort in knowing that families are eternal.

Addison May 8-7-08

Curtis and I are currently experiencing the hardest time of our lives. Last Thursday we lost the little girl who we were hoping would be born in September. We know that there are a lot of people who we should, but haven't talked to personally. We are hoping that this is a way we can share our story with fewer tears.

About a week and a half ago on Tuesday we were called into the doctor's office. We went in for an ultrasound and our doctor showed us some physical abnormalities that Addie had. We were really nervous and not really sure how optimistic to be. He sent us to a specialist in St. George on Thursday. The specialist pointed out a few more things that made us really nervous. He took some amniotic fluid and sent it off to be tested for chromosomal abnormalities. We were told that we would have to wait about two weeks for the results.

On Monday, (four days later) I came home for lunch. I was laying on the couch and feeling baby kick. It's something that I've only enjoyed that last couple of weeks. At that time, I got a surprising call. It was my doctor. He told me that the test results had come back and that our baby did have what is called Trisomy 18. This is where the 18th chromosome has three copies of the chromosome instead of two and this problem is not compatible with life. At this point, we had to accept that our little girl wouldn't live long, if we were lucky enough to see her alive at all. We were told that because I had so much fluid and was measuring full term that even though I had seven weeks left I would probably have the baby early. We estimated that we had about three weeks to plan and prepare for what was about to come.

I came home from work on Wednesday and started to time some contractions that were getting closer and closer together. I didn't believe it at the time, but I was in fact going into labor. By 12:15 Thursday morning, we were holding our beautiful baby girl. She was 2 lbs 3 oz, 14 inches long. Unfortunately, she wasn't born alive. We were, however, able to hold her and say goodbye.
We decided to have a small graveside service and buried her here in Cedar City on Friday afternoon.

Curtis and I have been completely amazed at how much support and love we have felt from everyone around us. We truly have witnessed so many selfless sacrifices from others, and out of this trial we have felt the love of our Heavenly Father.

It is strange to be a parent for a child that is not here with us physically. While we know we have become a mom and a dad in every sense of the word we find that with just the two of us that all of the changes we expected to experience have been delayed.

The Baby Bump

Andi has really been wanting to get some pictures on our blog of her "baby bump," so today we tried to go to the park, but got rained out. So we came home and I had an idea of a fun shot we could do with the window. So here it is. More to come later....

We're back!!!

It's been a while sine we've posted. Actually I (Andi) have never posted and I might sound a little bit frustrated because I just lost everything that I wrote, but here we go again.

For those of you who don't know, we are still in Cedar City, UT. Curtis took about a year off of school and has recently gone back to get his masters degree. He's still working full time which makes for a very busy husband. I am working part time as a Recreational Therapist at a couple of treatment centers here and fill in the rest of my time as a receptionist at a doctor's office.

Something really exciting is that we just bought a house, well kindof. We moved into a house and should close sometime the end of this week. We love it. It's nice to have room to stretch and there's finally room for the baby.

Speaking of baby, my due date is September 23rd. That means just over two months left. I'm starting to feel big enough to have her tomorrow, but I'm betting on September 30th. We'll see what happens.

That's pretty much it for us. I'll post pictures later.